EMOTIONAL EXCAVATION
Let's Talk Emotions
Emotions can feel frightening, nebulous, confusing, painful, freeing, life-giving, cathartic, and so much more. They are our felt experience of our lives and of ourselves. In the purest sense, emotion consists of sensation felt in the physical body. However, because our bodies and minds are inextricably linked, our emotions take on an intellectual component. This is where things begin to get sticky. What begins as a simple sensation becomes layered with the beliefs, value-judgments, and assumptions we harbor within us. Let’s take a look at how you can use your emotions to uncover those hidden beliefs and use them to better understand and embrace who you are.
Various life experiences, family dynamics, and innate characteristics make us individuals and form our “conditioning”. Our conditioning determines our core beliefs, what we value, and what we judge as undesirable. There is no such thing as a perfect childhood and ultimately, we all internalize some self-deprecating messages which become our self-judgments. Our emotions are the most effective tool for exposing and coming to terms with those judgments.
The table below lists several emotions (though this is by no means an exhaustive list) which are divided into anger based, fear and sadness based, and loving emotions. Though this is not true of everyone, many people experience anger based emotions more readily than fear and sadness based emotions. Anger offers a certain self-righteous satisfaction. It defends us against our more vulnerable emotions and the self-judgments they are tied to. It also keeps our focus external so that it appears our pain is being caused by people or circumstances outside of us rather than by our debilitating self-judgments. By exploring what underlies our reactionary, anger based emotions, we can get to the more vulnerable feelings this defense system is hiding. Try taking an example from your own life and work through the steps outlined below.
| Love Based | Fear and Sadness | Anger Based |
|---|---|---|
| Love | Boredom | Fear |
| Joy | Curiosity | Anxiety |
| Gratitude | Confusion | Anger |
| Optimism | Indifference | Sadness |
| Contentment | Disappointment | Disgust |
| Enthusiasm | Amusement | Guilt |
| Surprise | Anticipation | Shame |
| Pride | Apprehension | Regret |
| Admiration | Confidence | Jealousy |
| Satisfaction | Envy | Despair |
While other people’s actions impact us, our emotional experience is our own. The more we can understand, embrace, and take ownership of what we feel, the more empowered we become to chart our own emotional course. Use your emotional reactions as an opportunity to understand yourself! Even the most “negative” emotions can be rich and rewarding when used to grow your self-awareness and self-love!!